Le Pire Stagiaire : le pâtissier (version longue)
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Le Pire Stagiaire : le pâtissier (version longue)

[Check out Gregguillotin on Instagram. I post exclusive content. This was an ASMR] [For this first episode, we are going in the region of Normandie, in a bakery and pastry shop. Our victim is John. He is the pastry chef of the company. To set this prank up, we reinforced his boss’ complicty, Nicolas. Nicolas pretended that a famous TV channel contcted him for recording a professionnal documentary about the job of pastry cook and his bakery. John gave Nicolas the agreement for being tracked and filmed all day long. Our production manager contacted him to detail him the concept of the TV show was to follow a few trainees for a day. as they discover new jobs. So we made John believe that he will be in charge of training a trainee in pastry sent by an employment center. To make sure John doesn’t know me and my videos, he met a journalist who prentended to be from the TV channel. During their interview, she showed him the photos of the candidates, pretexting willing to have his feedback on the spot. The aim was to know if he would stop on my photo. We did so for all the episodes of “The trainee” to avoid those who recongized me.] – I saw him somewhere… – I know him. He makes some… “trick and catches” traineeships. [We mention that John is the only person to be tricked. His boss, colleagues, and the actor who will be acting as my dad are accomplices. The cameras follow me for this “professional” documentary. John, tricked by our team. Here we go !] – So, when he arrives, you introduce yourself. Like “Hello, my name is John. I am a pastry cook.”. At what time does the shop open?
– 6:30am.
– 6:30am? Good! Tell me if I have to explain while I am working…
What I do… No problem. – Okay… Good morning.
– Good morning. – Good morning. Thank you, Victor. Good morning. – Good morning. John. Pastry cook. – My name is Louis. I am here for the traineeship. At this time, I must be looking like an old shoe. May I have some polish, please? I was not expecting to be shot this early in the morning. – There is no make-up artist on this studio. – Ok. So no one will put make-up on the craftsman.
– No. – No need to. – My image will be assigned with the craftsman’s one… – That’s not how we do.
– Good. – We are going to introduce you…
– Working straight from the bed. I might fall asleep soon. – Good. So we do. Let’s get this done quickly. First, John, could you introduce yourself? Then, Louis, you will do so.
– Let me insist on one point. I would prefer… Mister… Johnny… – John. – Might benefits from some polishing. – No. That’s not the way you do. No. That’s not… No. Don’t worry. – I don’t need some polishing. I’m good.
– It’s all right. – Can we talk discreelty?
– I’m on my way. – What the hell is this guy? It won’t work. – It won’t go like that all day long.
– I hope so… Here comes the bakery shop.
– May we keep some politeness? I prefer using casual words for people from my cast. – Which people?
– The “Above 10” as I call them. – What are the “Above 10”?
– Above 10,000€ per month. – More than 10,000€ per month? You earn more than 10,000€ per month?
– Daddy earns… – Yes, your father. But you? – I benefit from this.
– You’re going to stay calm. – Land on Earth. I am here to train you. It’s a traineeship. – May we be polite towards each other?
– Sure we can. – Back at it. – I can understand the apprentice thing. But him as a trainee… – I can’t send him back home for the reason that I didn’t hire him. – Ok.
– It’s not my choice. I am sorry.
– No problem. – Mister John, I am here thank to my father, whom is a close friend of Pierre Hermé. This name might be familiar to you. – Sure, I worked at Ladurée.
– Oh! – Im’ not a provincial guy. I’m from Paris.
– So you are from Paris? You have fallen on your head. – No. Not at all. I feel good here. – It was a jest.
– I see… – Do you sell macarons?
-Yes. – Here, in this tiny town, you these delicaies.
– What do you mean by tiny town? – This… Countryside.
– Speak normally. Speak normally. Please. – We do it everywhere.
– In Paris, we are crazy about that? – Better.
– I didn’t think it would have spread. – It did. – It’s a quite pleasent surprise.
– Wait. Just… You are here to learn. Pierre Hermé. All this stuff. Your family and so on. We don’t care. The thing is, why do you want to learn bakery? What is your motivation? Croissants. Chocolate croissants. Tarts. Our concern is you.
– I am quite distrubed by Mister Johnny’s speech. I’m John. – But…
– I swear you next time you call me Johnny, it won’t end well. I tell you right now.
– I got it but my family has a dinasty. – We can’t mock it this way. – DId I talk about my family?
– No, because it doesn’t have the same dinasty. – Calm down on your words. The value, we don’t care. – The concern is what’s in your heart, boy. Got it?
– Got it. – I do love my countryside people and I am happy this way. If your life is about reading books, showing off. Pierre Hermé, “under 10,000€” and so on… It’s your business. But right now, the documentary doesn’t give a shit. So today, I will do my very best to adapt myself to the customs and traditions of your grocery. – Bakery and pastry shop. Here is the bakery part. My first apprentice, Cissé. – Excuse me. I don’t think that you are scheduled in this. – Stop that. Do things the right way otherwise it won’t end well. Can you say good morning? Do this effort. Thank you. Nicolas [****]. The boss. – Good morning. So you are the boss?
– Yes. – So, do you have the outfit, to… – No. I do refuse wearing the uniform. I am used to keeping up with my personality.
– You won’t work like that? I am ok with this. So, here is Romain, my apprentice. She is my second pastry cook apprentice. I feel like Bear Grills meeting aborigenal people. – Aboriginal people? – I mean… – I am going to calm you down right now. You are in a normal bakery. With a good athmosphere Litlle apron, tall man. – How will I deal with my style, now?
– We don’t care… – I am on air.
– We don’t care about the camera. – Who’s that guy?… Holly shit… Put your satchel down. No you can’t. Put your satchel down. – I would prefer keeping it. – And I tell you you’re going to put it down right now. The f*****g apron. I swear you that won’t be a good day, tho… – What an athmosphere! – Ok! The strawberry tarts. I am going to show you one, and you will do the others. Put the strawberry in. The whole fruit. Good. – This gentleman is your boss?
– Yes he is my superior. – Did all the people here have a shower? – Are you serious saying this? – Of course we did. – Ok. Good. – As I asked earlier, it would be good having no one else is the range – No, we don’t do that.
– I need my apprentices to work. They are as important as me.
– It wil be… – No no no. There ain’t nothing. You calm down. You address to me only, ok? I don’t care about your relatives.
– I know Miss Delphine Arnold.
– Ok. Ok bro, I don’t care. – First of all, we are not brothers. We are colleagues.
– Good. I tell you. when I talk this way, it starts pissing me off. You see? I show you the strawberry tart. Don ‘t talk about if we had a shower, our hygiene, and so on. You do your tart and that’s it. – Keep cool. – I am cool, boss. But wait… He is looking at you like “Excuse me, did you have a shower?”. He is showing off. When you talk this way, you pretend to be intelligent. You… You are from the upper class. Show me you are and adapt yourself. – I am from the upper! – Yes, from the upper. The Uppertones. How old are you?
– I am thirty year-old. – I’m almost 35. Ok? I think we can act as adults?
– I don’t see any prob… If there is no problem, there is no trouble. You see? Ok, now craft you tart. Keep going round and round like this. What are you doing!? It is striclty forbidden. Now, I have to trash it. It’s not clean. Are you serious… – Keep working, I will clean the work surface that seems dirtysh. – No no no. It’s not “dirtysh”. – It won’t inconvenience you. It is just for your comfort. Once you are done with your tarts, we will put them in the oven. – The tarts in the oven!?
– Sure! – You’re crazy!
– You are willing to serve them like that? – Sure.
– You must heat them first. – Huh! Who is the pastry cook, here? – It’s you and I. – No, it’s me. I am the pastry cook and that’s how it’s done. You don’t heat a tart, you’re crazy! – Oh! Can someone tell me more about this, but I think you have to. – Really!? Do you want to call Pierre Hermé to know if he does so? – I have never heard this before!
– Boss, do we cook the strawberry tarts? – Everything goes in the oven!
– He is numb! You ain’t do a thing at home… – I confess being quite idle. I prefer walks with friends on Dinard harbor. – Dinard harbor… – Having sips with friends?
– Having sips? Can’t you just say “a drink”? – Some usual words in our cast.
– Ok, stop this cast thing. – So how do you kill the time, here without the Internet? No time to waste. I do have an Internet connection!
– So do you? – Sure! Everyone has an Internet connection.
– A wire from the capital city to your house? – You serious… I do love Paris. But I came back for my family. The countryside is less stressful than Paris. – Ok.
– Metro and stuff, you can’t know this. – No.
– You show up in a Jaguar. – The upper class, bro.
– We are not brothers. – That’s my way to speak.
– I see! – You, you have your “jests”, your “sips”, and the words you use. – I am polite. I don’t insult him. There is a breaking point… He is talking about hygiene, but he put a finger in the tart! You sort the tarts. Hi. How are you?
– Good and you ? – Good morning!
– Good morning. Please don’t stay in the range. Thank you. I prefer…
– I told you. I am disturbed, and… – Ok, good. Good.
– Young man. – You don’t call me “young man”. I am the chef, here. – He is fussing me.
– You keep nice with him, right? I show you how to…
– Tell him to come back. – No he won’t. I show you how to sort a tart. Got it? Like that. And then, you sort it like… – Is there a clubhouse bearby?
– Your tarts in the liners! There is no clubhouse. – No clubhouse nearby?
– No clubhouse… Your strawberry tarts into your liners. Please! – Thank you mister Jonnhy.
– John. John. John. – John, please. – Did I tell you that my father named me according to the French monarchy? I am quite proud being named like the Sun King (Louis, the XIVth). – Do you have a girl?
– I prefer preserving for the wedding. – Oh, really? – I won’t lose my chastity before wedding.
– You’re serious? – Yes!
– So you’re still… – Yes!
– It must be scratching, no? – I sometimes pull on my willy, if you wondered.
– Of course! I think… – Did you consume before wedding?
– Of course, you’re crazy! – So you are a savage.
– A savage, me? – A savage.
– A savage? A big one, though! Before wedding, there ain’t be only one. – Do you know the Kama Sutra?
– Of course… – Last year, I discovered this book.
– At 29!? Holly crap… Take this to the shop. Go! Go! Go! Fast! Fast! Fast! [You must know that next to the bakery is the accomplice boss’ house. I am going to pick up something in his own fridge. The producer will warn John.] Wow, you don’t have a Coke like that! Wait, let’s recap the rules. You’re not at home. Be sure of one thing. Give me this…
– My bronchi are burning with all this flour. – Wait, do you realize what you’re doing? It’s inexcusable! – I needed to have a Diet Coke. – Not at people’s house, wanker! – I’m not a wanker, I do like girls. – You can’t pick up a bottle of Coke in the boss’ fridge! You’re numb? – At home I do whatever I want.
– At home you can! House is… Earth is not yours! I tell you. – Serve me a glass of Coke. – No “please”? – I don’t like when one sets me rules. I’m… I’m gonna… It’s hard not to… I am going to show you how to ice a chocolate éclair.
– May you wear gloves when you handle goods. – I’m washing hands every five minutes.
– Did you go to the toilets? – No I didn’t. Bring a pair of gloves for the young man! – No, I don’t need gloves.
– I am going to bring you gloves. – He is serious? Listen, breaking point is coming up. I will go freestyle. – So this is a pastry bag?
– Exactly. Here you go. I prefer we go point by point. Lightly and gently. – No no no. Not this way. – You apply way too much.
– No. It’s not too much. There is a balance to hold. – It’s rough. – You think so? It’s rough? It’s hard, come on… – You are learning, he is the chef. Do you get the point? – It was not a reason for such a freak show? – Me? A freak show?
– Because of the cameras…
– A freak show because of the cameras? Are you serious? – I am just asking Mister Johnny to stop his antics.
– I ain’t do antics, ok!? I’m gonna clam you down. I’m not your friend, I told you. – Good. I need fresh air. – Yes, go please. And then he says, “You do your antics”, and so on… He needs to slow down. I tell you… I… You know me, boss. – Yes… – Mister Johnny. Take a look at this thing. What is it? A “chausson aux pommes” (a French pasty). Mister Johnny, chausson aux pommes.
– Saw that. So funny. It’s a joke I love. You take a shoe (“chausson”). You put an apple in it. Then you have a chausson aux pommes. The chausson aux pommes. Johnny… – My name is John. I told you. – The chausson aux pommes. – I got it. I got it, Louis. – Did you laugh? Yes, I laughed. – Will you tell your friends?
– No, I won’t, for sure. – Where is your sense of humor?
– Because your joke sucks. Give up on this. – I think that you didn’t get the joke. The chausson aux pommes.
– I got it. – The ch..
– Got it. – The chausson aux pommes.
– Got it. – May we have the break apart from the others? – No we can’t, sorry. Not for me, but for you. – I don’t know you from Adam’s off ox. – Sure! As much as I don’t look like an ox. I tell you. Careful on your words. – Even more as I don’t look like an ox farmer. – I won’t hold on until the end of the day. The right hook will show up anyways. But you can’t give him a hook because he is from the upper class. I don’t want issues. He is an a**. – May I sit among you? – Yes you can. Did you watch Lyon vs. Marseille? Big match. – May we talk about non-deadening things, please? – It’s break time. I don’t care. Like all these reality TV shows which are polluting the brain. – no no no. I do like them! – Good. Period. It’s all done. It’s all done. Situation map is drawn. – And you? What do you like, excepted yourself? – I enjoy listening to Bach. I love playing cricket with friends. Frenzied plays. – You must have fun.
– Sure! – Leave John alone for a while. – Why is this happening to me? No one will believe me. I need the tape. How on Earth is that possible? We will watch the tapings and have a TV dinner. Yes, please. If I could have the tape. They will say “John, what you have endorsed… That’s red hot”. – So you smoke, Mister Johnny?
– John. It’s John. You pretend to be intelligent, but you can’t memorize my name.
– Mister John. – I find it quite debauched.
– Don’t insult me, ok? My name in not debauched. – I will wait for you there. We have some work, Mister Johnny. – I told you, John. Is he serious? When he showed up at the office. Driver, Jaguar. [Reminder. The boss’ personal house is upstairs. I am going to take a bath in his own bathroom. The accomplice boss will tell John that he spotted my in his bathtub and ask to get me out of here.] – But boss, I’m not responsible for…
– Get him out fo there. – Good! ok, come on… – He is taking a bath in the boss’ bathtub. – Don’t knock! What the mess it that? – What are you doing here?
– I am taking a quick bath. – You are taking a quick bath? You are not at home!
– I felt soiled?! – You felt soiled? You’re not ok!? You can’t take at people’s house! Get out of here, now! Or I’m taking charge. I tell you…
– I need to shot this. It’s unreal. What the heck is that? – If I could take a bath in peace. – Either you get out of the bathtub, or I call them and they will take charge. What you are doing is a home invasion.
– Don’t shoot my penis and I get out. – Get out, now! Is he serious?! – What the heck is that? – I felt soiled. Soiled by all the components inside the bakery. – It’s not my bad, boss. I was not prepared for that. – What the heck is that?
– I want clean pants, ok?! – Rinse yourself!
– No! I… I asked, please, someone give me clean pants. I will not put my pants back on after bath. Dress up right now! Where do you think you are? Dress up RIGHT NOW! No negociation. Keep going like this and you’re gonna get these hands! People may be nice, but I’m not going to screw everything. You dress up and go back to work!
– I need clean pants. Who do you think you are? He thinks people are here to serve him? You didn’t have to take a bath. Is he seious? Who the hell is that guy? He is talking about respect and upper class? He has no education! A guy like this is 30? He is not 30… You air on any TV shore, you rule the ratings for a lifetime! Whose bath robe is it? – Boss’. – If cameras were not here, I would already smashed him. – Can you hear me dad? You are outside? My father is outside, may we go to see him?
– I have no time to, boy. – Da hell..
– Dad, come! Father is here. – What is going on, sir? Where is the trainer?
– Here! – Mister Johnny, is that?
– Hello. – Mister Johnny?
– John. – So, what is going on with my son? – Why is he taking a bath?
– Mister Johny insulted me several times. – I insulted you!?
– He insulted me. – Yes you did. And you forced him to do the dirtiest tasks possible. – Dirtiest!
– Listen, my son is not (inaudible)… – Is that a joke? Thing are gonna go nuts. No limits. – Why did you get him out of bath?
– Why would he take a bath at the boss’ house? – Why? If he does the dirty work, he needs to clean. – He is the same! – If I want, your shop, this bakery, I snap fingers, and it’s over. Closed!
– Thank you dad. So now…. I know a lot of people. – I don’t give a s***. – Do you know who I am?
– Do you know who he is? – Do you know who I am?
– He is an actor. – Actor? And so I am. Everything was a prank. Applause for him! – You serious? – Actually, Nicolas was an accomplice. – I swear that’s unfair. – He knew it all. He is an accomplice of that. – Oh, s***. You f****** screwed me!
– Everybody. – I was acting. I am not a pedantic Parisian. – I need a cigarette. You… You got me. Wait, I need to realize. – We often do pranks. – Here you have the best one. Oh, gosh… You know, the upper class. The relatives. I didn’t want to samsh you. I know you can have issues. You all knew it!? You serious!? I can’t remember everything, but… It’s hot… My legs are shaking to death. I’m tired to death. It killed me. – you were heating like that… “The right hook”. – Because you want it?


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