Le Pire Stagiaire : l’agent immobilier (version longue) / Worst trainee ever : real estate
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Le Pire Stagiaire : l’agent immobilier (version longue) / Worst trainee ever : real estate

[My Instagram account is GregGuillotin.
Exclusive content. This was an ASRM sequence] [For the following episode, we are going to a real estate office, in the Parisian suburbs, at Mantes-la-Jolie. The real estate agent we are going to prank is Otavio. To set this up, we granted on his boss’ complicity, Sabine. She made Otavio believe she has been contacted by a famous TV channel who proposed her to make a professional documentary about real estate and on her company. Otavio gave Sabine his agreement for being filmed at work. Then, our production manager contacted Otavio and explained that the TV show was about following trainees for a day while they discover new jobs. We made him believe he will be in charged with training a wannabe real estate agent. sent by an employment center. We also made sure that Otavio doesn’t know me or never was my videos by questioning his relatives. Bad luck for Otavio, the trainee we elected is named Samuel. I will act the character. I am not sure if he will fulfill his requirements. We mention that Otavio is the only person we prank. His boss, the visiting clients, and those who will host us at home for the last scene are all accomplices for this prank. The cameras are following me for this pretended documentary. Tovaio, pranked by our team, here we go!] – So he is about to arrive. We greet each other. As we mentioned, we don’t exist. – Do I consider cameras? – No no no. No camers. We don’t exist.
– Ok good. The aim is to shoot your day with Otavio who will introduce you to his job. – Do I act as if I was coming from home?
– As you feel. – Good morning. – Good morning. – How are you? – Hello, my name is Samuel. I am here for a… traineeship in real estate. I am Otavio’s trainee and I…
– No, you can’t. – … documentary about…
– That’s not… Samuel, wait. Samuel. One thing. As we told you, camera don’t exist. – Talk to me. – You exclusively talk to Otavio. You come in and wait for the instructions. – Ok, great. I restart. – Good morning. – Good morning sir. – My name is Samuel. – You are coming for the traineeship?
– I am coming for the traineeship. – We will work for a good day together. Let’s start. So, tell me a bit more about you.
– My mom always says that I could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo. That’s what she says. – And that’s why you are into real estate?
– Yes. I have more than a few up my sleeve. – Ok… – About myself… I… I don’t do anything… … for the moment. – Ok. – Your experience in real estate?
– I do love House Hunters. – Good.
– I laugh to death. – Ok. And what do you like in these TV shows? – When they say “net seller”. I do like this. – You feel something, so… Let’s continue this in my office?
– Yeah, sure. – You will show me your skills. – Good. I like your mustache, here. – Well. Let’s go.
– Ok. I am here to make really big deals together. I think we can make a deadly duo. – Ok. – I am here to rock the house. – Very good. – But first, we will respect the clients. The lesson today will be about how to get a mandate? To get a mandate, what do you need? To find a seller. What is that?
– a 95-square-meter house. Renovated. Magnanville. 230 000€.
– For sale, though. I would like to see how you proceed to call someone and convince this person to work with us. – You, you sell flats and houses. So why are they people who sell without asking you first. – Well… Many prefer CtC. – Allow me one thing, Otvaio. This looks diguisting. You seem to be a hard-working person. That’s not fair towards you. That’s life.
– May I do a little compare? – Sure.
– I know some websites to search for… girls. Online meeting websites. – Yes. – And girls are like houses. I mean, sometimes you are disappointed by the final product. Once I saw a beautifl girls. Seemed to have big breasts. I meet her and so. And actually, she had one arm missing. Anyways, I find her cute and I didn’t care about her arm, you see? It’s alright. She is nice. She is beautiful. that’s the point. But I felt like blured by a smokescreen not showing me she only had one arm. So I asked “How will you handjob me?”. I wondered, that’s…
– Wow… Well… You are not going to narrate me your achievments. – No it’s not. She didn’t want to call me back, so…
– I see. – I may have been clumsy in my question because girls often use both hands. – So! Let’s get to this. Look. – I mean, be careful with what you see. Maybe they will show you photos that are…
– We will so to check this out. – Can I go to the toilets?
– Sure! He is friendly, but… I was not expecting this. Things went too fast. He is out of control. – So I call him?
– My aim. A professional appointment for a free estimation. No aggressivity.
-No. Absolutely not.
– Allo? – Yes, hello. I work with the Great Otavio, at Immo Novio. I was you are selling your falt online. Actually, I know Ottavio a bit more. I find this quite disgusting because he is fighting to feed his family. – What are you talking about?
– That’s a stab for Ottavio. – Whom?
– Ottavio, because he is very nice. A Carebear. I am sad for him. – Who is Ottavio? – Ottavio is a great agent.
– Stop. – I hang up. Was it good?
– No. You attacked her. You didn’t talk about the flat. – I did a mistake? – No! It’s not a mistake. – I call her back.
– No. I don’t think it’s fair. But I would like you to call a few ones. So, here the aim is different. The only question I am excpecting is “Are you still looking for…?”. I will do this one. – Hello?
– Hello, good morning, Mrs ******. – Yes?
– Ottavio ******. You were looking for a house. – We haven’t bought anything. We are “stand-by”. – Mrs ******, what living surface are you looking for? – 50m².
– We will offer you a balcony, if you are interested. – Well, yes…
– Ok! – We will offer you a balcony.
– Ok, we will offer you a balcony… Well.. O…Okay, Mrs. Thank you for these informations. I keep you in touch about what has been said…
*bip bip* She hanged up…
– Really? – Yes… – She doesn’t want a balcony? – We don’t offer things we don’t have. – You didn’t have news… Let’s call her back. [Calling another client] – No aggressivity.
– No. Never… – Right. – Hello, Mrs Jorel? I work with the great Ottavio. – Yes.
– You were looking for a house, and… – I have found one. – Ok. It was to say that the house you have bought dosen’t match your criterias. You should leave the place as soon as possible. Because there are hold-ups around. – Pardon?
– Yes. You can’t stay here. – That’s not good… – Who are you? – Wait… – What did we say? – If you let me finish this, she would have left the house and maybe bought you one. – You think so? – When I said “hold-up”, she said “Really?” and started to be scared. Maybe she was packing…
– No. You can’t scare people. May you call…
Sure, Ottavio. No problem Ottavio. – I have a rendez-vous in 15 minutes.
– Do we go together? – We go together. And you will listen.
– Ok… – Right. – I go downstairs. See you. – See you, Samuel. – Just… One thing… Is he ok? – It’s quite hard…
We need to fix him. – He almost screwed a client!
– Yes… – What I can propose you to sell this flat… is that we must be… … very smiling. – Let me rule this. I am going to introduce you as my future assistant whom is currently in a traineeship.
– Ok. – Are you ok with this?
– Ok. – Do you mind me calling someone? – Not at all.
– I had to call.. … a girl. – I will maybe…
– No problem.
– …meet her. – They will edit this. – Hello.
– Hello, Manon? I’m in a job. I’ve been hired for a work. Real estate agent. I work with a man named Ottavio, if you want to say “Hi!” – Hi! – Good. Actually… They say we will smash real estate. So I have better tell you I am in charge with big responsibilities, now. – Good!
– Yes. So, do we still meet for what we said… We didn’t meet yet. You told me that you find me handsome. – Yes. We said we could meet. – Because if we had sex… And I had a little willy… And you won’t laugh. – You are not forced to mention… – No, but it was to tell you I have a little willy. And I have… Well… It’s… How Can I say? I have a testicle bigger than the other one. – You’re saying this next to… – Yes. I agree with her. Such thing should stay private, without me. – So, I hope we will meet soon, as you look hot. It will be great. – Well.. You can’t say that either. – It’s a bit too direct, my friend.
– Good. See you later. – See you. – I have a good feeling with this girl. – Yes, but don’t be too much direct. So, we are going there. I will introduce myself and then, you. You listen untill then end and we will make a debriefing. – Hello, please know that we appreciate your ponctuality. – Hello.
– We are the real estate agents.
– Sorry for being a little late. My assistant is a trainee. – This is a Haussmanian flat, with a walk-in shower, and… – Not at all. Please let me rule this. Please follow me. I will show you. And him, he is going to learn with us. At the same time. Come on. – A large American-style kitchen… – Samuel really likes talking. – Don’t worry…
– That’s it! Don’t forget what I said. You listen… And take notes. – It’s for them to buy… – These gentlement came because they pretend buying the good. Come before the door closes. We need to rassure these gentlemen. – You will see several stars who visited the place. Marion Cotillard last week. It’s really… – He is helping me to sell it. – You must know that there were no digicode. We set it becuase of the hold-ups that occured…. – All right! The place is safe and secrued. – Yes, but now there are less mureders, and so on… Follow us. Follow us. Here you have a nice living surface. Ottavio, maybe we can propose them to break down this wall and build a partition. So they have a superb living room. – What I propose you is to let them discover the good. – To be transparent, you are next to the highway. It is part of the gidden defects of the flats. I prefer being honest. So there is no… – You ask me first. – Hidden defects. What does he mean?
– No, there is no hidden defect. – No. It’s just… – No no no. It’s well isoated. Both thermally and phonetically, as you can notice. If everybody silences, you hear nothing. – At rush hours it’s more…
– Which is difficult for you. Which is difficult for you. To silence. It wouuld be better you being silent. No noise.
– No! No noise. When I talk about hidden defects, it’s about the heating balloon, the security equipments. – You are wrong. I don’t know whick informations you have, but it is getting on y nerves. Right? Look at me.
– Yes. Yes. Yes. – So, please.
– Yes… I just don’t understand – You don’t know about… this. The heating balloon. You are not here to give me a lesson. Ok? – Ok. If I…
– You are going too far. You are not allowed to sell. I AM. Ottavio. The one who sells is the great Ottavio, as you say. Not you. Please.
– Ok Ottavio. I am sorry. – That’s what I want to hear.
– All right.
– Thank you. I apologize. – The particuarity of our agency is that we make the cookies you will offer to you your neighbours. When you arrive, you offer them cookies. We take this in charge. – Samuel? – Ok… – Fix this. It’s not ok. Get back to it. He is here to learn.
– It happens. It’s ok. [I am sneaking to the bathroom and act as if I peed the door open to bother Ottavio] -… equipped with a kitchen. All right. We will have a counter-visit. I offer you. The bedroom is well-placed. – I allow myself a little question, Ottavio, if you mind me.
– Sure. – This is a one-bedroom flat. It’s just to warn you. Which one will sleep here? – Well, we wanted only one bedroom. – So it’s perfect! That’s what you are looking for. – How will you do? One bedroom for two… You are two men.
– We don’t… We don’t need… – Two bedrooms. They only want one. – You will be one over the other. – One is ok. – That’s not our business. – I don’t get it.
– It’s not our business. – Actually, we sleep together.
– How come? – Samuel. – These gentlement live together. – I’m not going to draw you the situation…
– I will explain you later. So, here, you have a slient place. – Please, allow me to talk a while with my collegue. May I?
– Sure! – Please, have a look. They live together. – I think they are homosexuals. – It is. And so what? It’s not a problem. – They have sex together? – I don’t know. And that’s not our business. Ok? – I think they are homo…
– Shht! – This. Is. Not. Our. Business.
– Ok. Ok. – Did you check the price of the flat? – Yes, it was…
– It was 115 000€, I think. – It’s too much. – They didn’t say a word. Let them think. If it’s too muck, they will tell me. They look so cute, and… – I agree with you. – White chocolate. Dark chocolate. The gay style. Black and White. Twice the honors.
– Come. Let’s leave them alone for a while to think. Ok? – Is everything going right? – It’s going right but don’t judge people. – That’s why I made a discount. Because they are cute. – You don’t have the power of making a discount. You are not the owner. Right now, you are screwing your sell. – It’s true that hidden defects…
– Ther ain’t one. If you see anything, we will talk about it. The American-style kitchen. Eletricity supply issued on the heating balloon. But, then…
– You talk… Based on what? – Come! Have a look! Have a look, Ottavio. – You will be risponsible for not selling this flat and I will blame you for this. – Please.
– Tell them for the heating balloon. – There is nothing about that. – Regading the balcony. We will ask the co-owners.
– It’s on your duty. – Not at all. Not at all.
– It is! – On your duty, though! – On your duty. I call you. You pay for them. Otherwise we stop now. We turn off the camera. I rip ths off and you go back home. I appologize, gentlemen.
– It’s all right. – propose you to make this short. Right? You have my card. Please, call me. – Call us, no problem. We will see what we can do. Thank you for coming.
– Untill what time? – At any time. you can call me. – Thank you for coming.
– With pleasure.
– It was a pleasure. Thank you. – We need to stop this… He has ruined the sell! – Your trainee, you recurited him? – No! Not at all. The team imposed me this morning. – Don’t the set up a casting for this?
– Usually they do. But the employment agency is in charge with this, but they failed. He speaks out without warning. He knows nothing! He is here to learn, for God’s sake. He says “it’s on our duty”, bullshits like this. If you edit all this, you won’t have that much data in the end. – The team told me I did wrong, and…
– No… Listen. – It’s not bad, but… Brother. Learn to listen. We are going to make an estimation. – Ok. Everybody gets in a car. We move on to the second… – It’s all good for you, Samuel? – May I call you “brother” even if there are cameras? Do you mind? – No.- No. You have to pay respect. I am your tutor. You invented some…
– Yes! – Yes, I invented a few stuff…
– You don’t have to! It creates desire. – You scared them. You talked about hidden defects. You have used terms I don’t want you to use. – You saw, it was a couple. Which means… They… … sleep in the same bed and have sex together. – That’s it.
– Let’s say there are some really handsome men. To look at. They have Greek Apollonian body. Even when the pectorals are well-shaped. When the booty is nice-looking and muscled. Well.. I find this… Almost… Attracting. – What if we talked about real estate? We are going to make an estimation for a flat. Or a house. I don’t want you say “That’s ugly!” even if you don’t like it. Don’t say anything. Tomorrow I have to buy a ping-pong racket. So I am not sure to come. Maybe from the day after. – Ok. We will discuss about it at the end of the day. Ok? – And my office, you think about placing it in front of or next to yours? – We will see…
– Perfect. – These people called us to know the value of their good.
– Ok. – All right? Let’s do it the we said. Good morning madam. Good morning sir. [They are accomplices]
– Good morning. Welcome. – I am Ottavio’s colleague. On are a good team.
– And…Here is my trainee… – Please have a look at the garden.
– A very beautiful one. – He is the one who speaks.
Yes ! – Thank you for welcoming us.
– Thank you for welcoming us. – Would you like a cupe of coffee? – Yes, sure! – Good. A cup of coffee.
– Serve us a coffee. – That’s nice of you. We usually don’t.
– It’s no big deal. – In this appendix, I will ask you some informations. Then, we will do some measurement.
– Using laser! – Right. A little laser. – Very modern. Like in the future. Other agencies say that we are in the future. – We do 3D modelisation. We will have a virutal visit. We will show you the place. Regarding diagnostics, don’t worry. – We will do this later.
– It’s not our duty. We won’t do that. They will have to call someone… Specialized for this. – And they will… Do this. So you put on the headset like this. And then… I can’t see anything… – Because you have to ask me first. It’s empty. I haven’t put my phone inside yet. So, we are going to wait a moment, right? Well… The… Producers, please edit my hesitations. Because… I… I am so sorry… I loose my mind. – It’s like when… – I loose my mind with all this… – It’s hard to focus because… It’s a big deal and we do’t want to lose it. Samuel, please. Let me explain. – Yes, sure! People will be able to see this from your house. – Or to highlight, for example, a chimney with… – Yes, that’s it.
– People sometimes…
– You see what I mean? People are not stupid. We are not going to draw them a chimney if they know what it looks like. I mean… – Yes. Yes. Sure… – Samuel, please. This is what I told you.
– Ok! – You have to understand one thing. We…
– We are not – We are not “just” an agency. We are here to win our bread. – What Ottavio tries to say is that we are not volunteers. – They got what Ottavio tries to say. Don’t worry. Don’t put yoursel in their shoes. – Can I go to the toilets? I didn’t choose him. It’s all bout the employment agency. Yep… Doay, the trends are open kitchens. Let’s imagine, if this is not a loadbearing wall. Right? – You should scrub the bottom of the toilet. It’s a bit dirty. – I appologize for this. So… – Sorry. I appolopgize. – Where is… Call her. The headset. Right. When you go to people’s, you don’t criticize. – There were brown stains. – Nothing about the toilets. – One and only one question : Today, right now, what is your estimation for your house? – That’s not the question. That’s why we are here. – 295,000€.
– 295,000€!? You can not. It’s too much old-fashion. I find the decoration has-been. – Fournitures…
– I am sorry. – We stop now.
– What!? – Samuel. Stop talking. And then, we just do the tour. – Please, show me the house. I am totally… I am not used to work like this at all. – The thing is the price may not match the expectations.
– Samuel, please! – What was the deal?
– A traineeship… – What does “a traineeship” mean? Learning. Learning means listening. – Right. Anyway, the decoration is nice. Thank you for welcoming us. And the painting is nice. Is it a geniune one? – It’s a Benzac. We offered ourself. Now it might worth 3,000€.
– 3,000€!? – Please, sir, madam, show me your good. We accompany you with pleasure. [While Ottavio is gone, I am going to light a lighter towards the painting. Actually, the painting has been created by the accessorist and isn’t worthy. For safety, we torn a little whole in a paper to limitate the spread of the flame and to blows itslef off quickly.] – Wait. Wait. Wait! Wait! What have you done? – What is the problem? – What the hell is that? You’re crazy!? – I call you back. What’s going on? – You’re, mental! You’re not at home!
– He set it on fire? – I wanted to check is it’s a genuine. – Blow it off! It’s still burning! Blow it off… I wanted to know if it was a genuine one… – What? – You go to people’s and you set the place on fire!? You’re crazy!?
– Sorry… – Get out. Ge out. – What the…
– Get out of my way. – It’s unreal! We’ve been waiting for an hour…
– It’s all right… – And you show up and set this on fire… – I am sorry. The thing is that… Can I explain? – Get. Out. – I read on an article…
– Get out! – Go away! – If you set a painting on fire, you can…
– Out of my sight! – …check if it’s genuine or fake. – All this is not my duty. – It’s going out of proportions. I… Madam, I… – The painting… The Barzac.
– Stop fliming. – Darling, what do we do?
– I am sorry. Let me show you the rest of the house. – We can’t continue with him. – I just keep quiet.
– No, you get out. It’s over. You wen too far. You go out. Underneath the sun. – Breathe fresh air.
– I no longer want to see you! I no longer want to see you. It’s my decision. You get out! – But brother…
– Out! Sh*t! He made my day a living hell. I almost screwed an examination, and… With you… – Let’s go downstairs.
– Ok. – Oh, nice! You have an extra bedroom. An extra bedroom. [Ottavio and the fake client being downstairs, I am going to grab a fake gun.] – Is it a real gun, behind you? – Yes, it belonged to my father. [It imitates the sound of a real one but doesn’t shoot bullets. The shot creates a realistic smell of gun powder. Before the shooting, we placed a bullet socket in the furniture to pretend a bullet pierced it. For this sequence, I will pretend shooting a bullet in a piece of furniture we got from a flea market pretexting I just wanted to try the gun. We will hammer the glass at the same time to act a real fireshot.] – This room is… – My god, now what!? – We have to stop this… – No. No. No. No. No. – We have a big problem. – How did he do that? – With the gun, I… – That’s unreal!
– Get out! – It’s not right at all… – He is a mental dumb*ss! It smells…
– My father’s gun! – They’ve never used it! Ever! – No. Get out. – Get out. – If he gets cut… I don’t mind! Get him outside or I do and I call the cops! – That went too far. – What the… We have to stop!
– Of course! – You and you trainee go out. – It’s not MY trainee. You get out of this place. Out of my sight. – What’s going on? – Go out, please. [The boss is an accomplice]
– The employment agency sent us a mental. – He broke everything! – He broke a painting… They loved it. And he has used their weapon.
– What!? – I tell you later. He has made serious damages. – I just wanted to…
– You get out!!! Or you get my han in your face! – I’ve never seen a guy like you! You’re an a**hole! – No, calm down. Please, calm down. – An a**hole! You stay in the garden and you don’t move! Or I break you down, motherf*ker! – Ottvaio!
– No! There is no Ottavio! We have a problem. I’ve never faced this! – I will fix this with the clients. – Sabine, excuse me… – Please excuse me for going numb,. I am sorry for you, and… Fu*k… Actually, I stole a book in the bookshelf. – Get the… Give me that!
– Look! Look. Look! Read! Read! Read! Read! [On this book I give Ottavio it is written “You got pranked by your boss and the team. Congratulations!”] – Yes, Sabine? – No way… – Congrats Ottavio! – No way! A**hole! – We are all actors. – So good! – Oh, fu*k!
– You got pranked by your boss. We didn’t break anything. – Ottavio is great! – Where is this going to? I was one second away from slapping you! I felt bad for you! Oh, sh*t! You acted great. So I won’t see you next week? Holly sh*t! Holly sh*t! Wait, there is the socket from the bullet! It was realistic! I saw the bullet… “Did he really shoot!?”. – We contacted your boss who told us “I have a fantastic colleague. His name is Ottavio. He is humane. Very nice. Just don’t push him too far.”. – Thank you boss. Thank you the team! – Thank you Ottavio! – I hope it will make everybody smile. Jesus Christ! I was so close to slap him! I swear! – Very funny.
– I’m only having fun from now. – By the way, great acting.
– Thank you! I rarely laugh while making pranks. But today was hard to focus. It all the more funny when you don’t have the words, but you can feel the tension. It’s coming. It’s coming. “Samuel. Samuel. Please, Samuel.”


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