Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law
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Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law

And in Washington this afternoon,
Congress attempted to pass a law but failed after neither the House nor
the Senate could remember how to do it. For more details, here’s Onion News
Network Washington correspondent, Jane Carmichael.
– Hi, Brooke. The bill in question is the Challenger
Memorial Statue Act of 2011 which would allocate $50,000
to create a memorial to the Challenger astronauts at the Air
and Space Museum. The bill has unanimous support from
both Republicans and Democrats but unfortunately it’s been so long
since they actually passed any legislation that not one person in Congress remembers
the protocol for making a bill into a law. Well, Jane, you’d think as lawmakers,
they’d be passing bills all the time. Well, they introduced a lot of bills but
then usually hey get held up in questioning the motives and patriotism of
whoever proposed them. But didn’t they just pass one
or two bills last year? They did but each time they had to go
to former Senator Chris Dodd to help them through the process.
He was apparently the go-to guy for that kind of thing but now that he’s retired
– Well, why can’t they just call him? Well, they did, reportedly, but he told
them “I don’t work there anymore and I’m not about to do charity work.” At that
point several senators tried to go online to find instructions on bill passing
but then quickly became distracted updating their Twitter feeds with
disparaging remarks about political rivals and checking Facebook to see if
they had any new supporters. Well it seems that Congress is in the middle
of an emergency policy session to try and jog their memories, lets
take a look at that now. As I recall, we say “I” and then as long
as nobody says “Nay” the bill is passed into law.
– I know somebody hits a gavel. I concur. I also remember a gavel being
involved at some point. In that case I move the we look up
stores where we can buy a gavel. Let the record reflect that
we have decided to figure out where we can get a gavel from. Mr. Chairman, I have a question. I think that you have to
tell me when to talk. Oh, right, you can have the floor. Once it’s ready to be passed into law,
we email it to the President, correct? I don’t know. We probably have to glue it into a
book where all the other laws are. That makes sense. Wait, isn’t there a Library of Congress? The book with all the laws must be
in the Library of Congress. I move that we find out where this
library is. Does anybody know? No. I have no idea. Damn it. Oh, it looks like they’re
not having much luck. No but they’ll keep trying. Next Congress we’ll try saying the law
on TV to see if that makes it official and after that they’ll have all of
the bill’s supporters stand in a circle and shake hands with one another
simultaneously to see if that worked. Well, let’s hope they figure it out. And remember, Jane, Islander
can work wonders. We have to take a quick break now but
first let’s check in with another of the Onion News Network’s live 365 weather
cams, this time from Iowa. Okay, it looks like a lot of snow there.
We’ll be right back.


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